Mom Tips

Articles

• Of Infants and Insanity
• Congratulations, Now Eat!
• parent-hole
• Diaper Rash Trick
• What's That Smell?

Disclaimer

We are excited to bring mom tips! It is great as moms to be able to help each other and share advice. Please remember that though this may be informative, it is not professional advice. Please consult the professionals in your area before starting anything new. Thanks!

As I write this, my 9-month old baby boy – let’s call him “Seabass” – is crying in his crib. It’s his afternoon nap time and he’s supposed to be asleep. I beat myself up: I should have put him down 30 minutes earlier. I’ve missed the window of nap time opportunity! Now the afternoon’s doomed! Woe!

Yesterday, I picked up a couple books from the library on feeding solid foods to babies. They basically said that I’m way behind because Seabass doesn’t get enough solids. (He’s still breastfeeding and loves it. Solids? Not so much, so I don’t push it.) I beat myself up: If only I’d been more persistent feeding him rice cereal, he wouldn’t be so averse to solids this late in the game. He’s not getting what he needs! He’s going to develop a deficiency! Like anemia! Or scurvy! Aaaaaaaaack!

Earlier in the day, I lay Seabass on the ground for a quick diaper change and, upon seeing bright yellow/green poo caked to his backside, realized it’s been four hours since I’d heard a rumble in his diaper and accused him of launching jets from his tushy. I beat myself up: Great. Now he’s going to get diaper rash. And his cute clothes are soiled, maybe even stained. I should have done this sooner. What kind of a mother am I?!?

Mind you, all of this self-loathing takes place within just 24 hours, and it represents only about 1% of all the negative self-talk running through my head at any given moment. Doesn’t that ever-so-slightly INSANE?

Yes. Because it is.

New mom, I am here to tell you that this motherhood gig will take you from the peak of the highest wave you’ve ever crested to the depths of the darkest abyss you’ve ever dreaded – and back. Thirteen or fourteen times. In an hour. Because never in your life have you ever been so inextricably wound with another human being. Sure, you and your husband love each other more than you can express and consider yourselves inseparable. But, chances are, you don’t wipe your husband’s bum at regular intervals, feed him from your boob or bottle, and carry him around in a sling so that you can get something – ANYTHING! – done around the house. That roster of activities is reserved for the precious, helpless little person you have just born from inside your body.

Let me repeat that last bit: FROM INSIDE YOUR BODY. You gave birth to another heartbeat, another voice, another soul. And that other soul has its own proclivities and ideas, in case you haven’t noticed! I’ll never forget trying to implement a “schedule” for Seabass when he was just two months old because I was dying for any kind of predictability in my life. It took just a couple days of trying to make him go to sleep at X hour, eat at X hour, play from X to X and then go back to sleep at X hour before I realized that I’d have to suck it up and get comfy with chaos.

In case you’re like me, and motherhood ends up being a bit more than you bargained for (read: crying from the moment hubby leaves for work until the moment he returns, feeling anxious about being alone with the baby, having a hard time making decisions, etc. – oh and by the way, that’s called postpartum depression and you should really talk to your OB or primary care physician about what you can do to alleviate your symptoms), I’d like to dangle a little something called HOPE out in front of you:

1. It will get better. But it will sneak up on you. You’ll find your routine and be moving through it, tweaking as necessary and sometimes overhauling it completely when suddenly, you’ll notice that your baby is more engage-able, distractible, and even kinda fun. Embrace and celebrate this moment. You are doing it.

2. Breastfeeding gets easier…..unless it doesn’t. Look. Nursing will either work for you or not. And if it doesn’t, you and your baby will be okay. I promise. Just give yourself as much time as you need to explore the possibilities before making a decision. And once you make that decision, let go of the results.

3. Naps become more regular. For the first several months, they’ll be all over the place, sometimes 20 minutes long, sometimes 3 hours long. This made me N-U-T-S. But I had a great mentor tell me that daytime sleep starts organizing around four months of age. Sit tight, girlfriend – it’s coming.

4. You will be able to go to the grocery store without anxiety. This will also sneak up on you. Suddenly you’ll realize that your little one can sit up on his/her own in the grocery cart and likes cruising around Trader Joe’s making faces at everyone. Once again, embrace and celebrate this moment.

5. Your hemorrhoids/C-section scar/and other “parts” will heal. But you should know that they’re going to give you a run for your money. Just be patient and give yourself a break. Think about what your body has done for you, and honor it with a nice Sitz bath or ice pack.

Each phase of this journey has its own difficulties. As you have seen, the issues of nap time, solid foods, and diaper rash are those particular to Seabass right now, each thrusting its own particular brand of guilt on my psyche. But the antidote I’ve found to this guilt? Commiseration.

Find another mom with a baby the same age as yours and pursue her. Hang with her, ask her about what she’s going through, and set up Google Chat dates when you’re both nursing at 3:30am. If you look everywhere and can’t find that special woman who will be real with you, find a good mom blog and become someone’s e-stalker. (Not really, but you know.) Follow that blog like your life depends on it and make comments. The more connected you are during this intense season, the saner you will feel, and the better a mommy you will be to that sweet little dumpling you hold in your arms.

God bless you in your quest.

Special thanks to Jaime Johnson Lewis for this article!

Higher Highs, Lower Lows "We are the smitten, stupefied, sometimes scared silly parents of a precious boy nicknamed Seabass." Please Visit their blog for more.

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